


The Old Shinobi Tale

by Kaira_chan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Gags, Ninja, Shinobi, Spoof
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-03-28
Updated: 2010-03-28
Packaged: 2017-10-08 09:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaira_chan/pseuds/Kaira_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So picture this, Jade and Kai are childhood friend that live in Tokyo, Japan. They have an amazing life that was made for them by the ninja in the past, but they don't really care, they just wanna pull pranks. So when when one trick goes a bit too far, they're whisked back into the past to be taught a lesson. Just how will the two fair, with Jade in the hands of the village hidden in the leaves and Kai in the hands of Orochimaru? Please, read this manga slightly opened minded. This is somewhat of a gag fic and is meant to make you laugh! Please send me feedback!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Old Shinobi Tale

"Ne, Kai," a small girl with wild red hair and dark brown eyes, and a very innocent smile, walked up behind a taller boy, with blond hair and light brown eyes.

"What is it Jade?" Kai looked back at his child hood friend, the only person that actually meant something to him.

"I heard that there was going to be a festival near the Great Stone Faces," Jade's eyes sparkled, "I bet that there'll be hoards of things we could do there."

Kai walked forward, no expression on his face,"True..."

"Kai," Jade looked up and poked Kai's face, "Why the gloomy look?" Jade made up her face to match his.

Kai just snickered, "Ah, nothing.... So what time should I be expecting you at my window?"

The girl looked Kai and pouted, "Why am I always the one that needs to sneak around for?"

"Cause," Kai put his head to the side and looked up, "The small people come with their advantages."

"What is that suppose to mean?!" Jade squealed.

"Watch your step," Kai said suddenly and hoped over a stone.

"Huh," Jade watched after Kai and kept walking. "Wahh!" Jade fell face first.

Kai looked back amused. "I told you to watch what you were doing, didn't I?" he walked over and pulled her up.

"Gentle, be gentle!" Jade said as she steadied herself. "Gosh Kai! Your so ruff!" Jade smoothed out her uniform.

"When did that matter?" Kai smiled and turned a corner. "See you at six then?"

Jade pouted, "Numb skull!"

"I'll take that as a yes," Kai waved and hopped over a fence.

At the front of her house, Jade stood, not wanting to attempt stepping into her house hold. From inside she could hear three kids screaming and running around, acting like total idiots. From the kitchen, close to the back of the house, Jade heard her mom yell, "You stupid kids, will you shut up?" Jade waited for her dad's response, she continued waiting, at the door, but nothing came.

Jade sighed, "If dads not home, then there's no way I'm walking through the front door." The small girl walked around back and looked in disgust at the back yard. The garden she had attempted to start growing who knows how many years ago, was now a pen of weeds, the kids loved to play in.... The dog also found it a nice play to take a crap. Toy cars and barbie dolls scattered over the dead grass. Jade looked away, she couldn't even be proud of the grass that was here.... Then again, she thought, what grass? Jade waited for a moment in the shadows, waiting to see if for any reason they wanted to, the kids would venture outside. They didn't come. Jade sighed and walked over to the trellis, vines had taken it over, but it was always a good way to get into her room. Jade tightened her bag to her back and started up.

The sounds from downstairs continued to brew and soon there was a crash.

Jade reached her window, opened it and hopped into her room. "Stupid family," Jade hung her bag on the peg next to her window and sat on her bed to take off her shoes. "Going and making such a ruckus, it's a miracle the neighbors haven't chased us out yet." Jade walked to her door and opened it, then set her shoes in the hallway and closed the door. "Then again, the neighbors are just the same." Jade turned back to her room. It was plain, except for the headband that represented the village Hidden in the Leaves and a few kunia knifes that sat on her dresser. Her dad had given them to her. Jade loved the stories her dad would tell her about the Shinobi from long ago. 

"Ocaa-san!" Jade heard one of the kids outside her door. "Ocaa-san, Jade Nee-chan is home!"

The shoes outside in the hall was how Jade told everyone she was home.

"Well, tell her to get her butt down here!" Jade's mother was a mom that didn't like kids and only stuck around because of the father, for what reason, Jade didn't know. For her dad didn't make that much money.

"Nee-" the child outside was about to knock when Jade opened the door. Jade walked past the child and down the stairs.

"You wanted me, Ocaa-san?" Jade stood on the other side of the table, keeping as much distance in between her and her mother as possible.

"Why didn't you walk through the front door?" Jade's mother didn't ever address Jade by her name and barely looked at Jade.

Jade didn't think twice about her answer, she had become very good at not caring what would happen to her when she told the truth, " I didn't want to come home to this."

Jade's mother glared at her, "Come home to what?"

Jade's face held no expression, she was immune to how her mother treated her, "To you cursing at your own children and to children running around uncontrolled."

Her mother made a fist and was just about to throw it at Jade, when the front door opened, and a loud voice broke into all the members of the family.

"Miranda!" the voice called out, "What in the world are you doing to Jade?!"

Jade turned around to look at her father, out of all the people in the family, she loved him the most, more like only loved him.

Jade's mother fixed her posture quickly and smiled at her husband, "Why, honey? Because she was being rude."

"Otou-san," Jade looked at her father, "I only told the truth." Jade wasn't the type to act weakly just because a hero walked in, she didn't even show her weakness to her dad nor Kai.

"That's okay Jade," her dad walked up to Jade, "You were going to go to the festival, correct?"

Jade looked surprised, "How did you know?"

"Cause I told him," Jade looked around her dad and saw Kai.

"Go on, Jade," Jade's dad patted her on the head and smiled.

Jade looked at her dad expressionless. "Okay." Jade ran up the stares to change into something more comfortable, pin her hair up, grab her money, and put her shoes on.

She ran out the door with Kai, and as soon as the door closed behind the two, her expression changed. She smiled and laughed with Kai. Jade didn't understand why she couldn't act this way around Father and found it okay to act like this with Kai, it was probably because she didn't want her dad to get a bad name from being with her, the trouble maker.

...

People hustled and bustled about the place, hyper and energetic about the festival.

"So, what's first?" Jade looked around.

"Well, since we came here a bit late," Kai looked at his watch, "We'll start with the fireworks."

Jade looked at Kai, "Are we going to steal them?"

Kai laughed, "You are very simple minded."

...

Kai had always been pretty smart at pulling pranks, Jade knew this well, but this one was far beyond what Kai usually did.

"Kai this could become dangerous," Jade wailed.

"Don't worry," Kai said from a tree, "Now get up here."

"You know I'm afraid of heights," Jade pouted.

Kai sighed and jumped out the tree, lifted Jade over his shoulder and jumped back into the tree. "There's a better view of everything here." Kai sat Jade by him and held a string in his hands.

"Okay, fine," Jade looked down, then gulped.

"Don't be a party pooper," Kai laughed, "This is so not like you."

"Well," Jade tried to make herself more comfortable, "Our watch post was never a high place.”

From the distance the two could hear people looking around for the fire works.

"It's time, Jade," Kai held out his hand.

Jade smiled, finally getting into the tactic they were about to do, and pulled out a lighter from her pocket and handed it to Kai.

"Let's light up this dark night sky," Kai started the lighter and held it to the string. The string blazed and went down the tree, into the festival grounds. The string led to different places where the fireworks sat, waiting to be ignited.

"Count with me love," Kai smiled at Jade.

"Why of course love," Jade smiled.

"GO"

"Yan"

"San"

"Nii"

"Ichi!"

The sound of whistling fireworks filled the air, then there was a slight pause, and at the end, the whole sky was illuminated with different colors.

"Yosh!" Kai flung his hands in the air.

Jade laughed along with him, oh how surprised the people must be right now.

_Foolish children, it is time you learned a lesson on how to treat others._

Jade and Kai looked around and said together, "What?"

Suddenly the surrounding area started to swirl and things were set out of proportion. 

"Kai!" Jade reached to her friend who was steadily drifting away.

"Jade!" Kai screamed, as he was taken away by an invisible current.

...

"Is she dead?"

"Don't say that Naruto!"

"Idiot, she's breathing."

"It seems so."

"Hey look! She has the village headband! She's one of us!"

"Looks old, probably a hand me down?'

Jade stirred and tried to sit up, with no luck.

"Hey, careful now," a man with silver hair stooped down to Jade.

Jade looked around and saw three other people. One with bright pink hair, another with dark blue hair, that reminded Jade of a duck, and a boy with spiky blond hair that looked like a lawn mower was taken to it.

"Where.... where am I?"

"Oh she's lost it if she doesn't even know where she is," the blond said.

"Shut it Naruto!" the pink haired girl yelled.

The one with the blue hair just stood, looking grumpy.

The man with the silver hair picked up Jade and said, "You're in the village hidden by the Leaves."

Jade looked at the man sharply, "Village hidden in the leaves!?"

...

"Orochimaru-sama, what should we do with the boy?"

Orochimaru looked at the unconscious Kai that lay before him and licked his lips, "We'll take him with us."

"Yes Orochimaru-sama."

...

Jade sat on a nursing bed, looking out through a window, that gave a clear view of Konoha.

_I must be dreaming......_

"She says she doesn't know where she is... I think she has some type of brain damage....."

"You're not the doctor Kakashi," a feminine voice spoke, "Let me decide whether she is fine or not."

"I can hear you out there," Jade spoke suddenly, "I may not know where I am, but I'm not retarded...."

"Oh," a woman with big breasts stepped from behind the curtain that hid her conversation from view, "Sorry...."

Jade just looked at the woman blankly and thought to herself,_ Kai would get a kick outta this woman's breasts, oh my gosh.... Kai!_ The girls expression suddenly turned into fear, "Kai!"

The woman stepped back, "Is there something wrong?"

"Kai, I have to go looking for him!" Jade sat up suddenly and a jolting pain went flying from her torso to her head. "Ahh." she keeled over and grabbed her head.

"Are you okay?" the woman asked, instantly at Jade's side.

"Kai...."

"Tsunade," Kakashi started, "We need to find her someone to stay with.... Your not going to be here much longer."

Tsunade turned around, "Well, I guess I'll have to stay..."

Kakashi's expression seemed to darken, "You can't, you know you need to go to the Village hidden in the sand!"

Tsunade looked down, "I know, but this girl....."

"I'll be fine," Jade said suddenly," I don't know what you have to do, but don't make my condition hold you back.... I have something I need to do myself..."

Kakashi and Tsunade looked at the girl surprised.

"You can't go looking for anyone when you don't even know where you are..." Kakashi said.

"But Kai...." Jade whimpered.

"Look," Tsunade started, "When I come back, I'll set up a team that can help you go looking for your friend Kai, how bout' it?" she smiled.

Jade blushed slightly from the respect she was getting and nodded.

"Okay, Kakashi, I know you have someone in mind for her to stay with," Tsunade spoke, looking at the guy who's hair seemed to defy gravity.

"Well yes, I do," Kakashi spoke, then turned to the infirmary doors and said, "Come on in."

The boy from earlier, with the duckish hair stepped in.

"What's the so very important mission you called me out of bed for?" Sasuke seemed to think Kakashi did what he did as a joke.

"Your mission is very important," Kakashi held out his hand to me, "It is to let this girl stay at your house till Tsunade comes back from her mission."

"What!!!????" Jade yelled, "With a dude???? What happened to the pink headed chick?"

Sasuke looked at Jade annoyed, "I can decline... Right?"

Kakashi shook his head, "This a top mission."

Tsunade looked at Kakashi, "She can't stay with a boy!"

"Well, Sakura's house is a full house, and I don't know the other female shinobi."

Jade looked at Sasuke, _I don't believe this.... I haven't even spent the night Kai's house before........_

...

"Ugg.... What the hell was that?" Kai sat up and found himself in what looked like a cell. "Where the hell am I?" _This isn't a setting for a porn movie is it?_

"He's awake, Orochimaru-sama," a voice came from outside the cell, making Kai look over sharply.

"Is he now?" a icy voice followed after the first. "Bring him out."

A man, with what looked like bluish silverish hair, stepped inside the cell and walked up to Kai, "Hello, would you please come with me?"

_Who the...._ "Do I have much of a choice?" Kai stood and followed the guy with the weird hair out the cellar.

_I never did like guys with glasses..... 'specially those with the weird smirks on their faces....._

"I've brought him, Orochimaru-sama," the man looked around, "Orochi-"

Kai stiffened, as he felt someone fall over him and the persons breath on his neck.

"Boy, what is it you wish?"

_Wish... what the hell?!_ Kai turned around and shivered at what he saw.....

_Oh my God, never in my life did I think I would meet Michael Jackson and here he is standing before me! I'm gonna get raped...._

Orochimaru stood over Kai and licked his lips, "I will make your wish come true, just tell me."

Kai stood there amazed, not knowing what to do.


End file.
